There are so many cliches about how fast our kids grow and how fast time seems to fly by when you have kids.
“Time is a thief”
“the days are long but the years are short”
But really I feel like I blinked and my little baby boy is 6 months old today.
6 months
I’m feeling very emotional today. Besides the fact that I want my baby to stay little forever and he’s growing way too fast. I’m also feeling the grief popping back up from when my dad died.
My dad passed away the day Aaron (my now 4.5 year old) turned 6 months old. I’ll never forget the moment I was taking his monthly pictures when my mom called to tell me.
I took these pictures today with a smile on my face. (How could I not smile when looking at this baby?!)
I then put him down for his nap and just started crying. I’ve felt these emotions building up over the last week as I got closer to this day and milestone.
Today isn’t any sort of anniversary or really anything that has to do with my dad but I have a hard time not comparing.
If you read my birth story, you would know that having Isaac was very healing from a very traumatic birth with my first baby.
But I also feel like these 6 months at home have been healing things I didn’t realize needed healing. There were so many hard things that I was dealing with when Aaron was a baby (pandemic, losing my grandpa, being furloughed from my job and then having to go back to work when he was only 3 months old, and of course the hardest was losing my dad).
This time has been so so different.
The world is somewhat back to “normal.”
Thankfully the people close to me are healthy.
And staying home with my kids has been so so special.
Aaron goes to school half days and I’m still working – just during nap time, making influencer videos for Amazon.
When I was working full time, I made sure to not miss any important things. I was always there for thanksgiving shows at preschool, birthday parties, and holiday events. But I felt like I was missing out on the everyday mundane things – trips to the playground, playing at home, running errands.
I love love love being home.
I have no idea if this is a forever thing or just for now. Taking things one day at a time.
Keeping myself open to opportunities but also prioritizing my kids and my family first.
Decision to become a stay at home mom
My original plan was to take 3 months of (unfortunately unpaid) maternity leave. And after that I didn’t really have a plan.
But I just couldn’t go back to working full time.
With 2 kids, it was more affordable for me to stay home than go back to work and pay for full time childcare.
It’s also what I’ve always wanted. I really struggled the last few years being away from home so much. I would get home just in time for dinner and bedtime. And I always felt a little left out and as happy as I was that my husband got to spend so much time with our son, I was always a little jealous too.
Before Isaac was born, I was very ready for a change. I was burnt out and tired of managing people.
After my leave was over, I dragged my feet for a little while and considered going back part time. But ultimately decided to put any of my working time and energy towards working for myself (social media, Amazon videos, etc). I can work during naptime and after my kids go to bed. And the rest of my time is spent with my family.
Favorite things about being a SAHM
I’m well aware this life isn’t for everyone. And I’d probably feel differently if I got more fulfillment from my full time job. I definitely don’t judge anyone who feels differently or makes different choices for themselves and their families.
Spending more time with my family
Being with my kids and my husband is my happy place. It’s not always perfect (the baby could sleep a little later, my 4 year old has lots of big feelings, etc) but I truly enjoy their company.
Doing more Jewish things
I’ve been able to join my family and go to temple every Saturday. Before having Isaac I worked almost every Saturday. I used to take off most Fridays and prioritized Friday night Shabbat dinners. But now I can be there for all of the Jewish things.
I’ve also started going to ladies Torah classes which are always uplifting and full of connection with incredible Jewish women.
Less Scheduling Stress
Something I struggled with being a working mom was scheduling, and more specifically last minute changes. I worked in retail so had somewhat of a flexible schedule. But also was responsible for opening a store in a mall every day. I couldn’t just not show up.
When kids get sick, it’s stressful enough. And of course it’s so hard to rework schedules when kids get sent home from school or can’t go because they’re sick.
Hoping for a healthy school year of course but if and when he does have to miss school, I’m already home and can just keep him with me.
I also used to work in a kids store and the days when kids were out of school were our busiest days. I’m actually looking forward to and not stressed about Thanksgiving break and winter break this year.
Lunches at home
This one might seem silly and not a big deal for people who work from home. I’m not great at packing lunches. And working in the mall, it was so easy to just skip packing a lunch and get something (not good for me) from the food court. I was wasting money and not eating the healthiest. I had a hard time planning ahead and deciding in the morning what I would want to eat for lunch later that day. Now I can have a little of this and a little of that – really whatever I’m in the mood for. Also, love that I can have crunchy, toasted bread for sandwiches and tuna melts (you have no idea how much I craved a crunchy bread tuna melt and could never have one when I was pregnant and worked at the mall).
I don’t know what our future holds, how long I’ll be able to stay home with my kids, etc., but for now I am just so so grateful. Grateful for my family and the time I get to spend with them.
